Posts Tagged workplace bullying

On Right Road to Ruin?

Posted by on Thursday, 3 May, 2012

Looks like we’ve taken another step closer to realizing Bull Dog’s goal of destroying her and our family. Sometimes I wish he killed her that day in Chicago when the assault occurred. It would have been “cleaner.” Though, I suspect the Bull Dog prefers this long drawn out suffering.

She has never been the same since he assaulted and battered her after a meeting in Chicago. Following that he systematically bullied her for a year before finally making false accusations about her integrity and competence in the summer of 2008. Among other things, he falsely accused her of stealing a $100k.

Today she called me from her car on the way home from her psychiatrist. She plans to leave me and the kids, she said, because she can no longer tolerate the pain of her injuries and the pressure of worrying about money. She told me our marriage never worked and she’s too exhausted to continue.

She asked me if I agreed. I don’t.

The answer to that question lies in how we look at “life.” I go with the Buddha’s view: life is suffering. People say death and taxes are the only guarantees in life. They’re wrong. Suffering and death are the only guarantees as in “Life sucks and then you die. Paying taxes requires having money.

She has a point, though. Things are often difficult. We have not prospered financially–well we did for a while until until Bull Dog succeeded in convincing a board of directors of some 20 successful lawyers to fire her on the basis of those lies in 2008.

Since then we’ve struggled to keep a roof over our heads and to maintain some sense of normalcy in our family life. In the years prior we had our share of tough times to be sure, but we also had many, many good times. Consistent throughout the years has been a profound sense of connection between her and me. But the last four years have been nothing short of Greek Tragedy. Things have been as bad as bad gets for an American middle class family.

This emotional and financial tumor that has attached itself to our lives is full of cancer and pernicious. We’ve had meretricious remissions followed by the devastating setbacks. The treatments cause more pain than they’re worth and ultimately they just prolong the inevitable.

We’ve fought the good fight. Truth be told, I am tired too. Living with the victim of an emotional injury is complicated. It’s easy to forget the extent of injuries because the wounds are not visible to the naked eye. There are obvious triggers like Bull Dog’s real name or the name of her former employer. But there are also the hidden ones lying just below the surface like anti-personnel mines just waiting to erupt into a fight at a little league game or to ruin a pleasant evening by the TV.

Thank God for catastrophes like running out of money. There is much to do to secure our situation before going our separate ways. We’ve agreed to work together to solve our immediate problems of getting our mortgage current, refinancing our home, and applying for RomneyCare, better known as MassHealth. That will go a long way toward relieving the intense financial pressure, which will allow us time to sell our house and prepare ourselves and our children for the change.

Only you can fix your karma

Posted by on Tuesday, 13 September, 2011

Do you know the Buddhist concept of dependent origination? Had the accusations been legitamate or had people acted with decency, that would not have been necessary.

Even if the accusations were true, which they were not, or even if the organization concluded it was in its best interest to make a change, there is no defense for tolerating the bullying, or for retroactively cancelling our health insurance or ending the relationship without transition assistance or for calling the unemployment office and explicitly accuusing her of stealing $100k.

Those behaviors were indefensible and positively indecent. Did you know, for example, that she was diagnosed with cancer shortly after our insurance was cancelled?

Things ended badly. The lack of decency was extremely injurious to Her (and her family). Everyone abandoned her in the end, whether out of self-interest or bien-pensant–despite many years of sincere and devoted service.

As for the “other reasons.” That’s your karma Only you can fix it.